Sunday, November 25, 2012
Final Week
As we wrap up this week, I think where as the time gone... I particularly found this weeks reading to pertain especially close in my own life. I lost my grandmother almost 10 years to the day :( She was my rock, my caretaker, and most of all the person I had enstilled the most trust in. I had a bit of a rough childhood as explained in earlier blog posts and she was the one person always there for me. The death of my grandmother was an expected death, but I don't ever think at any point the process is made any easier. I had a tremendous sense of emptiness after she passed, along with several other emotions that at times seemed uncontrollable. I will admit over the years its gotten to be a bit easier, but I do have my days when I wish she was still around. With the holidays I beleive is when this is on my mind the heaviest. I miss all of the traditions that our family once shared and we now do not. Some say that death brings families closer, that is the exact opposite in mine. Grandma was the framework that held everyone together. Hope she is resting peacefully :)
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Isn't it funny how the holidays always bring up the people who aren't there to enjoy them with us anymore. I guess it makes sense, but I always wonder about it. My mother died just after New Years so this coming time of year always reminds me that life is fragile and how important family is.. She was very sick at the end so the last Christmas with her was hard - I don't think she managed to come downstairs again after Christmas morning.. Anyway, I know they say that expected deaths are easier - maybe they are.. I think they are just different. The grieving seems to start earlier and there isn't as much of a jolt of shock when it happens, but there is always a great hole in your life that never really gets filled.. Sorry about your grandma. Sounds like you were lucky to have her to rely on.
ReplyDeleteThe loss of someone who was so important in your life will always leave that space. In some ways I think that honors their relevance in your life. Losing the traditions she kept going hurts on a different level. The wonderful thing about having my own children has been the opportunity to create new traditions. I have managed to fill a lot of holes in my life by becoming the thread that holds my family together. Hope you have a lot of joy and peace this holiday season sometimes that is the best way to honor those we've lost.
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